Cliche Cliche Cliche
by Kaname1993
Summary: If you haven't figured it out by now, yes, I am a dragon. Yah, yah, I know. The story is supposed to be told in the Prince or Princesses point of view. Does no one ever wonder what the dragon thinks?


Cliche Cliche Cliche

Ok, first of all I have no idea where this came from. Second this chapter is all just me/my character ranting about cliches.

Disclaimer: Really? Must I have this? I mean I wouldn't be on Fanfiction if I owned it now would I?

•••000•••

Once upon a time, in a land far away there lived a beautiful princess. Locked away in an enchanted tower and protected by a ferocious dragon, she waited until the time a heroic prince would slay the beast and save her from her prison…

How many times have I heard that story? How many different ways can they rewrite, retell, and spam that driveling excuse of a Fairy Tale before they run it into the ground?

Oh sure, now your probably gonna say that it isn't all that bad. Not all fairy tales are like that. Their not all the same. There's different ways to tell the story and everyone likes to hear about them.

Ok I'll admit to that last one. It is nice to look at things from someone else's point of view once in a while. Try to 'see things in a new light' and all that jazz. But don't even try to bullshit and say that all those story's aren't alike cause your gonna be lying through your teeth.

At least ninety percent of the time those story's always start out with 'Once upon a time', 'In a land far away', and then start spewing nonsense about some 'Beautiful princess' who more likely than not is a complete air head.

I mean really, what self respecting woman in their right mind would fall in love and run away with a total stranger who, for all intents and purposes, just killed the one being she's known probably her whole life and just expect her to ride off into the sunset on some white stallion with him to start a family and live 'Happily ever after'?

Seriously? Come on!

For one she would have never met the man in her entire life. What if he was some kind of psychopath or a mass murderer, or worse some fruity flower boy.

And really? Riding off into the sunset on some glorified excuse of an equine that's so prissy it's probably never walked anything tougher than velvet carpeting. The thing belongs in a beauty pageant, not walking through the country side. It'll probably keel over after stepping on the first pebbles along the cobble stone roads.

An we're getting off track here, back to the 'Prince' business again. Sure he would have to be strong to even think about saving the princess but strength isn't everything. Cause really, what's brawn without any brain besides a walking talking side of beef?

If I wanted that I would buy a cow cause with the cow at least you could get milk or something and eat it later. Unless it gets some kind of disease…

Speaking of disease. What if the prince has one? For all anyone knows he could have some deadly contagious virus and yet he's still gonna expect a kiss for saving her. Then she's would probably catch it too and then their children would have it, and while we're on the topic who's to say she even wants kids. Heck what if she docent even like the guy?

First he's gonna try to 'save' her, thus uprooting her from everything she's ever known and been comfortable with. After that it's just a given that shes gonna have to go home with him, cause where else is she gonna go? Can't stay in the middle of nowhere in some dilapidated castle with a rotting carcass at the front gate.

Now that she's living with him it'd be safe to assume that they are gonna end up married. After all, what guy would just let go of a girl he risked his life for so easily? Their egos, especially that of a prince who's probably gotten his way his whole life, would be pretty vast.

Anyways, it's getting annoying just grumbling about princes, won't get you anywhere just sitting around complaining. He's still gonna show up at the castle, still gonna attempt to rescue the Princess, whether it be for glory, fame, power, money, or the ever rarity for actual love he's still gonna show his ugly mug. Still gonna be some dingbat in tinfoil that doesn't think he'll burn under dragon fire. (Amazing how stupid someone has to be to wear a suit of armor, sure it keeps you safe from the initial damage but, might as well be jumping into an oven.) He's still gonna fight the dragon.

Speaking of dragon that's another thing that all those cheesy story's have in common. It's always the same old crap, the 'Vicious dragon that guards the castle', look out it's gonna eat you! Blah blah! Ok, so maybe it's not always a dragon, maybe it's a giant, an ogre, or a troll. Hell, it could be a freaking wood gnome that spews acid and burps the alphabet for all I care. Bottom line is, it's always some kind of 'Mythical beast' that a) guards the Princess, b) wants to eat the Princess, c) wants the princess as a sacrifice, or more often than not, though no one ever bothers to ask, d)

just wants you the fuck out of its castle.

And WHERE does everyone get the idea that they're just a bunch of mindless beasts?

Trolls are smart! They like to live in dark wet places like under bridges, one of the only true cliches out there. They like to fight a lot and usually have a taste for humans… ok probably not the best example, on second though Trolls aren't all that bright…

But Giants are! Sure their a little slow on the uptake, it takes them at least an extra hour to figure out what should be a twenty minute problem, and they usually just stare off into space like drooling buffoons, but don't let that fool ya. It might take them a little longer to piece a puzzle together, and for the love of all things holy never ask them if the chicken or the egg came first (they'll spend weeks contemplating and your not going anywhere until they've come to a conclusion), but give them enough time to themselves and you've got yourself a ten ton evil mastermind. You'd be amazed at the harebrained lunacy that they come up with that looks like it could work about as well as a torch under water yet by some unknown miracle does exactly what they say it will.

And never, I mean NEVER, let them think in groups! Humans sometimes joke about how their gonna rule the world with an army of sugary snacks. Well if you've got enough if them, the Giants probably would find a way to do just that.

An Ogres! Ogres are… Ogres are… ok I've got nothing nice to say about em… Their big, their brawny, they have no sense of personal space, and I'm pretty sure that none of them have a sense of smell. When you neglect personal hygiene enough that you smell like a rotting whale carcass mixed with fermented skunk, and month old ostrich eggs, even on a good day it's the only feasible explanation. And to the person that decided 'Dung Bombs' were a bright idea, if you're ever caught be prepared for a very slow and painful death in the most cruel and unusual way possible.

Bloody Hell, an Ogre with a Dung Bomb is not something you'd ever, EVER, want the misfortune to come across… unless of course you work at one of those mental asylums. Everybody needs a job somewhere.

Now, with that said, … holy crap that's sad… no wonder everyone thinks 'Mindless Beasts'. Bunch a freaking morons…

Well, with all that out on the table, as depressing as it is, if there's one thing I can state without a doubt it's that Dragons are by no means mindless. Sure you'll get the occasional oddball. You know that complete dumb ass that everyone knows is a 'tard, and the whole village bets on what he or she's gonna fuck up next, an everyone hopes that for the love of the species never reproduces. Yah, everyone has at least a few of those, but morons aside dragons are quite possibly the furthest thing from mindless.

The fact of the matter is that only the muscle bound meat tanks are used for guarding those air headed Princesses. They usually go together pretty well, dumb dragon, dumb princess. Of course, as the saying goes it only takes one bad apple to spoil the batch, and consequently it only takes one dumb dragon to ruin the reputation for the rest.

It only took a couple of old geezers to take a princess as a 'sacrifice'. In their defense, they were a bunch of old buzzards that just wanted a little company. And up popped the idea that sacrificing a bunch of young women would calm the scaly beasts. While it does work for those old goats it's rather insulting to the rest of us!

Then a bunch of young morons decided they wanted to 'prove themselves' and let a bunch of witches and warlocks place spells and enchantments over them. Thus locking them to specific locations where they must usually guard a princess for some idiot family that probably never really cared about the girl in the first place. An up came the tales of the dragons keep.

Then theres the more famous ones like the sea monster that tried to eat that woman Andromeda over in Grease. What a perv! What dragon in his right mind would willingly travel out of his nice comfy home just to eat some naked chick chains to a rock? Oh, and that's not the worst part, his name was Bob. Bob! Of all the dragons out there, of all the cool names like Terra or Ignitus or even fucking Cetus that sparkling bastard, the species had to be royally screwed over by a freaking dragon named Bob.

Aw man, I'm loosing faith… there's just so many… so many out there that just keep getting famous and none of it in a good way. The saddest part is that it's only a good ten percent or so that do those sort of things but obviously that ten percent is enough to give the rest a bad rep.

What about all those other dragons that humans worship like gods? Like in China where they consider the serpent dragons as a symbol of the highest status.

Why do they get all the glory and the rest end up with the shit end of the stick? It's like humans believed the only thing going through our mind is 'Dragon eat princess', 'dragon like princess' or just plain old 'Duuhhh'.

There's actually smart ones out there! Ones that like things like problem solving, and good works of literature. Seriously the only good thing humans have made so far is the book. The book and gold coins… gold coins are nice… and not all dragons just jump at the chance to guard some princess. We've got more respect than that!

An now I'm just completely off my initial topic… what was I talking about?

Oh yah, cliches. I guess I wasn't that far off huh? Well anyways I will admit that some things humans say about dragons are true. Like dragons being vicious, though that's only when you piss em off, and how dragons like to hoard stuff. Hey, don't blame me, it's instinct. Kinda like raccoons, they like to collect stuff too don't they? Well basically it's not really our fault, metals are rather tasty and golds and silvers are really shiny, so we kinda just pick it up. Like those sparkling pieces of glass you see at the beach that are all smooth and just demand to be taken home.

But whatever, I'm getting off topic again, I've got a short attention span when I start grumbling so if ya got a problem bite me! Though I don't guarantee that I won't bite back.

Anyways, not all dragons are like the ones in those story's, just like not all princesses are dumb asses that actually want to be taken home by a stranger.

Yah, sounds bad and makes you rethink all those happy romance story's when I say it like that huh? Can I hear someone say rape or slut?

All things considered I've got to admit that I've got it pretty good. Could have been worse, could have gotten stuck with some dumb ass bitch princess that wishes me dead every day of her 'entrapment'. Could have got some whiny brat that won't leave me alone. Heck, could have been stuck with one that only thinks about her looks and probably docent even know how to spell her own name.

If you haven't figured it out by now, yes, I am a dragon. Yah, yah, I know. The story is supposed to be told in the Prince or Princesses point of view. Does no one ever wonder what the dragon thinks? We're sentient beings too ya know.

Well, enough of my monologuing, let's just get on with my stupidly cliched yet not so cliche story… Ok so it's mostly cliche but there is SOME originality to it. We're not completely hopeless, and in all honestly I've never really been one that likes predictability.

Let's see. How did it start… ah yah, Pops…

You see not all humans, as much as I dislike most of them, are imbeciles. Some are smart, some exceedingly so. And Pops was one of the lucky ones, having found an entire line of humans with actual functioning brains. He grew very close to one young man in particular and they became the best of friends. For years they were virtually inseparable, but alas humans cannot live as long as we.

When the humans life had reached it's end Pops made a promise to the man. So close were they, so much alike that they would even call themselves brothers at times, that Pops made a once in a lifetime promise to that man. A promise that has been kept through the generations, even long after Pops was dead and gone.

He promised to always be there for the family, that no matter what happened, all they need do is call and he would come.

And that is how we came to be, my brothers and I. You see, Pops was our great grandfather from who knows how many generations back, and from that day forth we dragons had become close to the humans. Do not misunderstand, we are by no means pets, we are guardians and the humans know it. They respect us, we respect them.

Somewhere along the way things changed a little though. Now before you start worrying it's not all particularly in a bad way.

We dragons tend to be reclusive by nature. We do not enjoy company for long periods of time yet from these humans we began to crave attention. Pops never really had to deal with the problem because he only ever interacted with the one man and his immediate family. Even by dragon standards he had already been ancient and had only been around for a few extra decades before passing on which happens to be the same time as the humans youngest child.

Pops son had a much harder time dealing though. Having grown up with a father that was so close to humans, and humans being the short lived creatures that they are something changed in the old geezer. He had become attached to the humans first grandson in ways that even we dragons cannot understand. Though still mildly reclusive he never strayed far from the boy that he watched over. Always near enough that a simple shout from the child had him running over to check like a worried hen.

The dragon was not the only one affected by the bond either. While most humans at the time would die of old age at as small a number as fifty that particular man lived to a ripe seventy. Not long after the dragon passed as well.

It was thought of as a fluke for a time, just a dragon that became a bit too attached to a human. They were wrong, for every generation afterwards fell to the same fate. Every dragon born to our line would bond with a human, and the closer we got the more we changed.

No longer were dragons so secretive, no longer did we avoid contact like a plague. We quite literally became clans. And we dragons were not the only ones to change. The humans meager life spans seemed to lengthen with each passing generation. Before long those humans who could barely live through the decades had come to last centuries. Age was not the only thing to change either.

Those little humans, those surprisingly adaptable little creatures that just won't die(like those damn roaches in the foyer that you step on and come back later to clean up only to find it's already crawled away), changed in appearance as well. They even learned to tap into and control the magics we dragons rarely ever used.

Although it came as no surprise, the others of the species began to question their humanity, doubting them of their heritage until ultimately classifying them as a new breed entirely.

And that is why I hate humans. Just because something is different, just because it's not exactly like all the rest they either try to destroy or shun it entirely. Call me biased if you will, I don't care.

Well, good for them, they can continue living with those sticks up their asses for the rest of their short pathetic little lives. My princess is better than any of those little humans anyways.

Call her a freak will they? The last one dumb enough to do that got an up close and personal introduction to my claws. So what if she's not a human, she's better, and if you must call her by those wretched names those maggots come up with then you may only call her an Elf. Unless of course you choose to call her an angel though I'll still rip your face off.

Anyways, now that you've got a back story I can start the important stuff. You see, because we are both now long lived creatures a new sort of custom has been made. Stupid as it may be, and may I just say it's by far the dumbest idea my Elves have ever thought up. We have to go through with those stupid cliches.

If you ask me it's just a way for the royal family to get rid of their children for a while under the pretense of 'bonding time' an 'training'. Ha! Bullshit!

Well anyways, basically what happens is starting on the fourth birthday of whatever royal child, be it a prince or princess, they and their dragon are sent off to a castle. Usually no more that a few hundred miles from their parents homes.

Once here they go through a training process along with their 'bonding time'. It's a bit more difficult in the case of prince's seeing as most princess's wouldn't be caught dead going out of her way to save a guy. Though surprisingly it does happen on occasion, my third cousin Felicity told that story so many times I could recite it by heart. Then again it's a lot easier for someone like me.

Not only do I protect a princess, thus ensuring that I get the chance to battle many a prince, but I also have my brothers by my side.

We were another once in a life time thing. You see, not only were the three of us born of the same clutch but we were attached to triplets as well. Triplets have happened before but never before now were they so attached, or under the watch of an over protective father like the current king.

Though it's only happened a handful of times we dragons can be defeated. For all our powered and longevity we are not immortal after all. As the saying goes the princess then left with the prince.

To ensure that his daughters were kept safe and that no prince would be able to take them from him when the time came for the girls to depart, the king assigned them all to the same castle. So obviously, three princesses, three dragons. And what human wouldn't think twice about going up against not one, not two, but three dragons?

So here we are, me and my two brothers, my princess and both her sisters, all locked away in this old castle for who knows how long.

Which leave me thinking… what's for dinner?

•••000•••

Haha, ok, all I have to say for myself is 'Don't ask' cause I don't know. I was sitting around one day an just kept thinking about fairy tales and how nearly every one with a dragon in it sounds almost exactly the same. When you think about it in a more literal sense wouldn't you agree? As a child most little girls think its cute an wish they were a princess and that a prince would come save them an all those cliches. But once you get older and really think about it would any self respecting woman really go with some total stranger if she had a choice? That would be like a random person off the street suddenly asking you to marry them and you agreeing. My opinion? Not. Gonna. Happen.

Well anyways I just ended up writing this to get over all those ideas about the cliches and add a little of my own at the same time. Right around the part where the dragon first starts talking about 'Pops' is when I really started getting off track. I kinda had this idea on a story and wanted to write it, to be honest I've already got a chapter, but I don't want to keep posting a bunch of story's when I haven't even finished the two I've already got. I get irritated when I find authors that have a bunch of really good story's and barely any of them finished cause then more often than not they discontinue them and discontinued story's just rub me the wrong way. So since this can more or less stand on its own I'm going to post it that way an leave it as completed until a later time. If I ever finish this I'll post the whole thing one crack or start it up again once I finish my other work but till then it's just a oneshot with the sole purpose of me ranting about Cliches.

An if anyone finds this offensive I'm rather sorry about that, I already had a character in mind that would play the part of the dragon and he's got a pretty short temper along with a severe case of potty mouth.

Thanks for taking the time to read all this, sorry if I burst any of those fairy tale bubbles you got hanging around but I can't help what I think. I'd also like to hear your takes on the matter, any of you out there agree with me? Heck, you could be totally against everything I just wrote, docent matter I still wanna know what you think. So to reviewers and flamers alike please leave a response and tell me your side of the story, don't let my take on it spoil your ideas. Prove my dragon wrong if you can, it'd be nice to knock him off that perch of his, he's getting a little too comfortable up there.


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